Please, Let it be just a DREAM!

I did it again. I sent you a message begging you to change your mind. Am I pathetic? Now, I still can't believe that this is happening. even my body can't cope with the situation. My body is shaking. My knees are too shaky to stand. I can't even have a proper meal because I can't feel hungry.  I sent you multiple messages telling you that it's okay, that I can accept everything, that you can be with her, just please don't live me. You can even live together, and you don't have to be with me, just don't live me behind completely. 

Even at this moment, my hands are too weak to type. But the pain in my heart is too much that I have to let it out. Before I go to bed, it's you I think about. It will always end with me crying myself out trying to justify everything. Why do you have to live me? What did I do wrong? How can I change your mind? Is this really the end? Till my eyes will dry out, only then, I can fall asleep. With the tears still running down my face. Wishing and praying, that when I wake up in the morning, everything is just a dream. Nightmare or night, I don't care, just let it be a dream. If it's not a dream, then please don't wake me up. For I know, when I wake up in the morning, everything will be just the same. The pain will still be there. It will be more intense and excruciating. Every day will be a battle for me without any chance of winning.  

Is it really that hard to change your mind? Was it so easy for you to ignore me and move on without me? Am I not relevant to you anymore? Is the 10 years meant nothing to you? I tried to shake it off, I even tried to convince myself that you were just joking. But every time I message you, your responses are too cold that it was all too obvious. I know how to read between the lines, but I am also good at pretending that this is not happening. This is not real. It can't be real right? 

Please, let it all be just a dream. Please tell me that you are just pulling a prank on me. Please, I beg of you. I really cannot take this anymore. 

10 years and NOTHING!

Gathered my strength to post this. I think I'm ready to share. This is me saying my farewell. Farewell to our decade marriage, you ended it as if it was nothing. 10 years, and yet it was so easy for you to let go and move on as if I have never been part of your life. I was ready to forget and settle everything according to your liking, to your own benefit, but you kept saying I don't deserve to be treated this way, that I don't deserve you cause you're no good for me. And yet, you are so ready to let go of me and be with her. Now, that I DON'T DESERVE it! 

I don't deserve to hear all of these excuses. I don't deserve more of your lies. I don't deserve you guilt-tripping me. I did everything. I invested my everything and devoted my whole life to what a good wife should be. I don't deserve none of these. While I'm here worried sick thinking about you, worrying about you, you are busy screwing around. You said nothing is wrong with me and that I am too good, then why?

I am too open-minded that I can even let you have an affair as I understand you have your own needs that I can't provide, you just have to say the word and I'd let you. But you choose to cheat, lie, and betrayed me. You both played me and plan this way too long. And I'm not just going to sit here and be fooled again. I hope you're happy. Really! I wish you all the best and I hope that you can find peace. There are a lot of things that I don't understand. I have a lot of what-ifs. But I'm ready to let you go. I won't be a hindrance to your happiness. I'll move on and get over you soon. It'll be hard, but I can do it. Cause unlike you, I value the 10 years that I've spent with you, and that's not easy to forget.

So goodbye and be happy! Don't waste this chance again and hope that you'll both have a happy ending. You will always have a special place in my heart, and nothing can change that. Thank you for the 10 years, it was a happy marriage and an outstanding experience for me.

PS: Good thing I didn't change my last name; it will be a pain in the ass. 

😅